That’s right – Gunny here. I’d like to talk about poop, after all, you humans have a thing about looking at our poop. I have to admit, I appreciate that you have opposable thumbs and you can clean it up. Even I don’t like stepping in some other dog’s poop. But I’m not sure you all understand what you’re looking at.

I’ve noticed some of you inspecting the poop when you pick it up. There are a few things that you need to know. In fact, there are a couple of things that I need to correct for some of you. Because if anybody knows their poop, I know poop!

First, big giant poops feel really good when they’re done – pretty much I feel really bloated when I have that much poop in me. I blame it on the food. That crappy dry food stuff used to give me that bloated but still hungry feeling. I don’t eat that any more. Now I have little poop. Little poops are so much better- I don’t feel like I’m carrying around extra weight before I drop a load.

Next, texture seems to be a big thing with you humans. Let me tell you, really hard and dry is difficult to push out. It’s better when it’s a little bit soft, a little moist. Of course, everyone runs when it comes out like water! There’s this in between, like at the end of a poop, and it’ll be a little bit softer. Hello! It hasn’t sat in the chute drying out quite as long. It’s just fine.

I have to it admit, I hang around the restroom and check out your human waste just as you check out mine when we go outside. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander, you know. If you’re gonna watch me poop I’m gonna watch you poop. some of you humans work awfully hard to get out a really hard, dry poop. Think about it. I don’t like it either.

We should talk about odor, too. I mean, everyone’s poop stinks. But when the smell is enough to make your eyes water, there’s something wrong in there. Maybe I ate something. Like yesterday’s leftovers that had been left in the car all night. (Mmm, it’s so good going down, it just doesn’t come out well the next day.) My mom usually gives me some herbs that balance it all out. I end up getting a meal or two of only raw, fermented goat milk. It’s not too bad. I feel right as rain by the next day.

Anyway. That’s the poop on poop. A little soft is fine. Rock hard is no good. There’s smell and then there’s smell. Really bad smell it mean something is wrong. You need to be able to communicate about these things.

And cat poop? How do I explain? Its tasty delicious. It’s worth the time out. It’s a guilty pleasure. You humans will never understand the attraction.