You humans spend a lot of time in the bathroom. It’s rather fascinating to a dog. Your body can do and move in ways I cannot. 

Take the tongue. I can lick a plate better than any human. My tongue goes wide and flat to get in the books and crannies. Don’t want to leave crumbs behind. 

I can lick the side of your face. Fast. Hahaha. I like when I get my person nice and wet on the face. 

But my tongue doesn’t curve upright very well. So that thing you do with your tongue to pick food out of your teeth, I can’t do that. 

The other thing I can’t do is swish liquids around in my mouth. I’ve seen humans do what they call gargling. To me, that’s like drowning – I physically can’t accomplish that. 

None of my dogs friends can. Neither can the cats. 

So here’s a question to wrap your mind around: why do humans think some nasty chemical in our water is going to clean our teeth?

I mean, look at me. My tongue and cheeks don’t do that gargle thing. Why would anyone think we could some how hold a chemical in our mouth that etches tartar off our teeth?

Its plain dumb

Want to know what else is dumb?

The idea that hard crunchy food would clean my teeth.

Now you humans – I’ve seen you eat pretzels. And because you can do that thing with your tongue you can pick the pretzels off your teeth. Remember the beginning of this when I told you I couldn’t do that? Well I still can’t do it. So why would you think that giving me a hard crunchy, like a pretzel, would clean the tartar off my teeth? Instead it cakes that stuff on there!

It just makes no sense these things that people say to each other!

Wish I had words that people would understand. I’d tell them all when I hear them talk that nonsense at the dog park!

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