Gunny here. Maybe you are wondering why all of a sudden I’m speaking up. After all, I’m an older dog and I haven’t really had much to say all of my life. I’ve been pretty happy with things on this planet. But lately, human behavior has really started to concern me. So, in my golden years, I feel it is my responsibility to speak up for the good of humanity.

Here’s what I noticed this week:

Humans don’t know how to tell distance. They’re supposed to stay separated by 6 feet. Well I can tell what 6 feet is: it’s the length of my leash. That’s pretty easy. But you should see these humans. They come close to each other then realize that they might be too close and back up. A lot. Like 20 feet.

20 feet. That’s what my old retractable leash used to be. That leash was fun when I was young! I could run to the end of it chasing a squirrel, it would snap hard at the end and jerk it out of my owner’s hand. Then it would start to retract, chasing along behind me like an air balloon losing its helium. And everyone would yell! I had great fun doing that as a pup.

Another thing those leashes are good for is wrapping around people’s legs. Well the darned thing just tightens up on its own. Which is great – I was a bit mischievous when I started out. I created rope burns on more than one set of legs when I was a puppy. My owner finally got savvy and threw it out and went for a cotton web 6 foot leash. And we went to “class.” I had to become mannered. But that’s OK. We became the best of friends at that point.

I must be digressing; something that happens more as I get older. I was talking about people not knowing what 6 feet is. Maybe it’s because they don’t have proper leashes?

So what’s going to become of this human race if they all stay 20 feet away from each other? I’ve been to the big city. I’m not sure they can do that there. But people are walking around and turning their backs when people cross nearby, as if that’s going to save them from some dreaded disease. Ridiculous.

They don’t even stop to pet me anymore. I’m not infected. I’m just an old dog looking for pats. Meanwhile, I have been wondering the last few weeks – what is going to happen to humanity if they all stay separated by an invisible 20 foot leash?

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